Dear ER,

Hi ER. I know you're busy what with Mostly-Dead people wandering in on their bloody stumps every half hour or so, but we really need to talk.
You and I? We've have some good times. Remember when you revealed to me that Dr. Weaver was a tricked out hobbling muff diver? Or the time Carter proposed to Abby and she went so The Crazy that she almost jumped of the roof? Or how we wept openly together when Dr. Green dropped dead on a beach?
Good times.
But, ER? It must be said...it's time to bail on you.

You see, your time as "The Doctor Show Everyone (and their mother) Watches" is over. We have Grey's Anatomy for that. That show knows how to write a story and take it to a somewhat believable end.
And you?
Not so much.
Because every time something good happens to one of your characters, you ruin it. And I don't mean with a broken relationship or faltering career. I mean you kill their babies, or throw their mentally disabled siblings onto a plane doomed to crash into a speeding train carrying the puppies of other formerly happy characters. It's become tiresome, really. In the past 11 years, your hospital has been shot up 3 times, seen 4 broken marriage proposals, 2 homicidal stabbings, 3 fatal car crashes, and the addition of John Leguizamo.
But I held on, ER! I suffered through the completely unnesseccary "Hasty African Surgeries" season, with Dr Croatian Guy as my only solace, only to have you reward him with (whiny insufferable, please comb your hair PLEASE) Abby, and reward the rest of us with NO CARTER.

BOOO.

AND THEN!? Abby gets PREGNANT? Wait..is that....why is there an anvil constantly over Abby's head now? Oh...is it because you will inevitably KILL HER? Season 1,096 ended with preggers Abby bleeding from the woman place, unconscious, with Dr Croatian Guy tied to a gurney, unable to speak because he was intibated, somewhat roughly, at the behest of his ex girlfriend/nurse's criminal ex-husband who brought the 3rd annual shot gun gallery to the lobby and shot JERRY, who was the only tolerable character left and....
......I can't possibly go on.
You, ER, are ridiculous. I tolerated Dr. Susan's quasi-romance with a dying 15 year old cancer patient. I sat before you, teeth gritted, when Sally from Third Rock From The Sun, appeared for 5 episodes for no discernable reason. I primly accepted Dr. Benditlikebeckham being shoved down my throat, though I didn't like it (I refuse to like her god dammit, she's as stiff as the botoxed forehead of Paula Abdul! I fucking refuse and I don't care how many times you kill her husband!). Most painful of all, I silently chewed my popcorn when, and I cannot capitalize this enough, A HELICOPTOR FELL ON A DOCTOR WHO HAD HIS ARM CHOPPED OFF BY A DIFFERENT HELICOPTER NOT 10 MONTHS BEFORE.

A DIFFERENT HELICOPTOR!

KILLED HIM!

But another dead baby? One is almost funny, but two?
Let's not be gauche.

I hope things continue to go as marginally well as they have, but I have to tell you: Dr McDreamy's got it all over George Clooney, and the world knows it. Your days, Lesbian-Arm-Chopping-Croatian-CrazyHaired Nurse-Havin-Desperate-"Celebrity"GuestStar Courtin-Show, are numbered.

Best of luck,
Rosa


P.S.- And if it's not too much trouble, give my number to Dr. Rockstar, could you?