Oh, old people.

I often joke that I am old (and then run to the mirror to inspect every pore in my face, satisfied only when I conclude that "joking" did not cause any "wrinkles")
But people, some ya'll are OLD.
It's not your fault really, it's ME who loves the things so many OLD people love.

Case in point: Duran Duran

Being the Luckiest Duran Duran fan is....easy. I'm last to get a wrist band before they sell out, have pictures and autographs, and most recently, won tickets to an Atlantic City show on Myspace.

God that sentence reeks of old. I must soldier on lest I create a frown line.

So. AC. Seedy. But we knew that. It was the clientelle of this particular show that got me. And the amounts of leopard skin lycra it wrought.

Of course, DD was at its peak of fame in 1984, and the flushed Capezio wearing Tab drinking teenagers of then are the Soccer moms of now, full on mid 30s, havn't had a night out in, like, a year. And never has it been more evident than in...New Jersey. (God...another wrinkle..) The cast of characters was nothing short of astonishing.

Standing directly in front of my line of sight, was a marginally pretty, Milf-ish sort, and her friend. Now, I don't know how many of you have been to Jersey, but a phenomenon is more evident there than anywhere else, a condition know as Huge Asses on Ladies (or "HAL".)
The Milf's friend did not seem that heavy, a curvy size 14 at most...from the waist up. But her HAL was ginormous. I'm talking, my head is 3 feet away from hers, and I'm somehow still grazing her HAL with my thigh. HOW??

Then there was a "drunk gentleman" (I use both words loosely) who spent most of the pre-show on his cell, telling people how "HOLY FUCK JIM'S HAVING TWINS". Congrats to Jim and his strong swimmers, surely, but DG went on to loudly slur, "FUCKER THINKS HE CAN GO OUT NEXT WEEK AND I'M LIKE YOUR LIFE IS OVER BRO.....WHAT?...DURAN FUCKING DURAN...THE HUNGRY WOLF GUYS....WHO? ....SHE'S RIGHT HERE....THE KIDS?...ARE WITH HER MOM...."

This...is someone's father. Or guardian. Or something. *a wrinkle forms*

And of course, as at every DD show, there was the 40 year old convinced she was 24. Fake blonde, bumping into guys all night "accidentaly" and crowing about how many drink's she's had. At one point, her coat was on the floor..and so was her drink...which she then kicked...onto her coat...

But it is not all this oddness that gets me, its that when the show started, these people...stood...stock... still. For all their character, drink, and girth, they song not a line along. Why?

OLD!

And what makes you old?

CHILDREN! Be you a teacher or a mother.
A recurring theme in my blogging, for shiz.

So, things not to do: Get fat; marry a drunk; get knocked up with twins.

Oh, the concert was awesome by the way. Those 80s icons were SO DRUNK!