Talk about the worst week ever.


Anna Nicole Smith: Still dead! Drugs, even! Didn’t see that one coming, did you???
Ninja Turtles: Popular still.. Also, talking like Vanilla Ice still!
Britney Saga Continues: Toothache!
Salma Hayak: Uh…Breasts still fabulous?

UGH!

We, the pop culture fanatics, had SUCH a great start to 2007! Death! Rehab! Vaginas! Give it give it give it! Best week ever was every damn week!

And here we are…Sanjaya didn’t get voted off. Bored now.

Lindsay’s blonde again? Feh. Paris dressing like somebody’s mom? Meh. Mary Kate remains skinny? Bleh. Sex tape featuring water sports. Ok…that sounds promising. Starring Kim Kar-who-ian? …ew.

I may sound ungrateful. More so than usual, anyway. But didn’t we almost have it all? The culmination, the load blown too soon, was the moonlight shining off Britney’s bald head. And I blame her.

Couldn’t she wait until summer?

Let me be clear. I think I am projecting anger where I actually have fear. Anyone remember the last time the news was so superficial?

Mariah releases sucky album! And sucky movie! And breaks plate! Gary Condit prolly killed that jewish girl! Pentagon loses like 2 billion dollars and can’t find it! Tara Reid nip slip!

September 10th, 2001. The good ol’ days, eh?

I’m kind of worried at how God will punish us this time.

More importantly, will a famous person just DIE already? Is anyone even sick? Hi, Nicole Ritchie? Yeah, I was kind of betting on you to break a collarbone due to rickets or something. Get on that.

Meantime, I suppose I can keep myself occupied with the
REALLY CUTE POLAR BEAR SWEEPING THE NATION!

Enjoy.