Disturbing Trends Alert:

Today on the G train, I spotted, from the corner of my eye, what my brain registered as “cute boy”. Short-ish shaggy haired, skinny jeaned hipster extraordinaire, complete with guitar in gig bag on back! Eye Candy Gold. But when I turned my head to further investigate, it became clear…my new boyfriend? Was a girl.

This is the THIRD TIME THIS WEEK I’ve been fooled into thinking a girl was a boy. Oh go ahead and toot your “repressed lesbian urges” horn. I know what goes on down there. I want no more part of it than I am already forced by God to endure.

Why would a girl chop off all her hair and dress like one of the guys from OK GO? The video was popular, yes, but I can’t see an acceptable outcome outside of treadmill humor. Boys, any of you like the “kind of 14 year old pre pubescent child look”? Girls, any of you appreciate a very sleepy Italian chick (me.) on the G train checking you out?

I don’t get it. I have no formal conclusion to this epidemic.

But while I’m talking about my general hatred for females, let me revisit an old foe…

I may have to implement a “No Uggs” rule on this page, as I’m starting to sound like a broken..CD…(None of you know what a record looks like, right? Nor why I would sound like one that is broken, I expect.). But. UGGS.

Now, it’s summertime! Yay summer! Flowers bursting in full bloom, children plummeting off diving boards, lovers weeping in the park, etc. And girls wearing dresses! Everyone loves that part, for skin showing or what have you. But suddenly, it seems girls don’t want to let go of the Uggs, because they’re wearing them with their delicate Forever 21 dresses!

UNACCEPTABLE! You: Don’t look good.

Stumpy, more like. In all, you appear as though you’ve fashioned crude foot coverings out of large loaves of bread. Is this what you were trying to achieve? With your DRESS?

I have a recurring nightmare about brides walking down the aisle in Uggs. I have no idea how to keep this from happening. (Oh, it’s coming, just you wait.) Can you imagine? As it is, I have seen recent wedding photos of a blushing young bride in a lovely dress….changing from her high heels to PINK PLASTIC FLIP FLOPS for her reception.

Girls suck. Ugh. …get it?

And now, A Public Service to you, my reader.

Websites to visit instead of refreshing Myspace 14 times an hour.:

www.jezebel.com

Girls bitching about the pull out method, the folding of Jane magazine, and Kirsten Dunst’s teeth.

www.foundmagazine.com

Shit people find on the ground is often beautifully haunting. Like Polaroid pictures of empty highways discovered in old abandoned buildings. Supplement your TMZ viewings with a little humanism.

www.threadless.com

Create an account and judge people’s potential t-shirt designs. Because if you read this blog, it means you enjoy being judgmental.

Then, buy an awesome t-shirt!

Maybe more next week? Wish my waning creativity some luck.