NOW HEAR THIS.

From The New York Times:

Who would’ve guessed that Paris Hilton would help “underscore the profound effect of the Sheriff’s Department’s early-release program” in Los Angeles?

That’s part of what the Los Angeles Times has concluded after analyzing 2 million jail releases and finding 1,500 comparable cases since July 2002. Following up on all that outrage over what many saw as unequal application of justice after her release, the newspaper has found, in short, that she’s doing more time than most people:

Had Hilton left jail for good after four days, her stint behind bars would have been similar to those served by 60 percent of those inmates.

But after a judge sent her back to jail Friday, Hilton’s attorney announced that she would serve the full 23 days. That means that Hilton will end up serving more time than 80 percent of other people in similar situations.

In the article, one of the loudest critics of the early release of Ms. Hilton is quoted saying the data persuaded him to alter his view. “The rules of fairness should be applied equally,” said Najee Ali, director of Project Islamic Hope.

Now I’ve said before that this celebutard™ is being made an example of. And here is a reliable source, whose pages are not glossy nor involve the word “Bennifer”, that proves it.

America, we should be outraged that an incarcerated person can be allowed to go home, spend a day there, and then be forced to go back to jail by a pissy judge. Yeah, pissy judge, I said it! Anyone get a glimpse of the court order demanding she appear? It was scrawled in the same writing one would expect from a serial killer's manifesto.

All you liberal bleeding hearts are showing your true colors these past few weeks, with your marches for equality being cancelled out by your “She SUCKS! Send her to JAIL! I mean SERIOUSLY! I haaaaaate her! TISNF!!”

Poor personality and a wonky eye are not a reason to send someone to prison.

You fucking uninformed people are gonna vote for Hillary too, I’ll bet. God dammit, I’m going to have to move to France, aren’t I?

Hopefully, Lindsay does something ridiculous soon, because I am officially sick of this subject.

Fuck along, now.

Oh shut up everyone, seriously.

Do not mistake this for a blog in her defense, but can the world REALLY be that mad about Paris’s “reassignment”? She wasn’t actually released, if you read a little further, she was sent to house arrest. Yeah yeah, at a 30 acre estate in the Hollywood Hills, but whatevs man, home is home. Toast every morning and PS2 with your mom all day gets boring no matter how you slice it. It seems reasonable to me. But, America, why the uproar?

I can’t believe how calmly I read the news this morning, while Myspace bulletins exploded onto the scene as though something actually Earth shattering had happened! A rich person avoided hard jail time! Raise the terror alert to Fuchsia!

People…SHE DIDN’T KILL ANYONE! She’s dumb as a box of weaves, but certainly not dangerous to society. How can you despise someone’s un-newsworthiness, and then pull a 180 and decide “Wait! I want to talk about her A LOT now!!”.

Sidebar: Things I want to see a Myspace bulletin about:

-Tara Reid nominated for Oscar.

-John Travolta comes out as Gay-A-Licious! Also, buys a plane named same.

-Suri Cruise on drugs, beats Drew Barrymore’s kid-high record.

This means if I cared it was your birthday, I’d already know about it and leave a comment on my own. Stop bulletining. I hate you. End sidebar.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I pay taxes (well… usually, and only when I fill the form out correctly.) and it costs about $200,000 to sustain ONE federal prisoner over the course of five years. That’s your money! Why should their be unbridled happiness that a skinny bitch in orange pajamas is going to put a further drain on a system

Yeah, we hate her, but only inasmuch as she is always in the news. House arrest certainly does enough to stanch that flow. The vagina spreadings should be dramatically reduced.

And really, people, we’ve got two down (Lindsay’s in the ‘Hab, so pour one out for ya sista) and one to go (Britney’s kids desperately need your help. Please send this acne ravaged popstar to Mom-Rehab?).

And if things go well for the world, we might actually have an inappropriate-vagina-flash free summer! Sorry boys!

Now, lemme just go bulletin about this....

NOTE, 10pm 6/7: I fucking hate that I have to sound like I'm defending her because more people get their news from People Magazine instead of The New York Times, but...no, she was not driving drunk on a suspended license. She was driving, regular style, on a suspended license. Yesterday on my way out of work I passed a good friend who informed me his license was suspended, but he was going to the beach tomorrow. Like I said in an earlier post, bitches get away with a lot more in this life, and I am not comfortable with one solitary non-dangerous quote unquote criminal taking up solitary confinement space usually reserved for violent sex offenders and murderers. Furthermore, the maintenance required for a celebrity to be put in the general prison population is unfair to the already overworked criminal justice system.

Now, get a life everyone, there's starving kids in Darfur.

6/5/07

*I'd post her mugshot...but it's so damn disturbing, with her extra three inches of...nose ledge (you know what I'm sayin)*

And you totally know who I'm talking about.

Can I get an AMEN? Justice is not so blond I mean blind.

But, if I may...IS it justice? I've known less law abiding citizens get nothing more than a summons + fine for such an offense. Bitch is in jail cuz...well...she's a bitch. The judge (standing O in church and all) probably thinks he's doing The Lord's work. But what is a skinny blonde in an overcrowded, underfunded prison system going to prove to the world? That no one is above the law? Pfft! Kennedys, trust fund babies and politician's girlfriends will continue to get special treatment, as they have since the beginning of the freakin Stone Age.

I....have half a mind to get myself a Free Paris tshirt. Whore is being made an example of.
Nicole Richie (Oh, Lionel, what hath thou wrought!) was driving THE WRONG WAY ON A HIGHWAY, high on drugs, and has never appeared in court. Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss have been videotaped snorting coke, and both continue their pale, freckled antics. Inasmuch as one is dating a male coke whore and the other is in, ahem, "rehab" (real rehab don't let you out to get some Wendy's, beyotches.)

What did Paris do? She let herself be videotaped having sex. THAT'S why we delight in her discomfort.

Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog post....

You remember 90210, right? Yeah, Donna Martin drank at the prom. Donna Martin got fall down ass over eyes DRUNK at the prom.

But...did Donna Martin Graduate?

Damn right.

I can sure as hell pick a better scapegoat for the world's giggling meanness (um, Rosie O'Donnel anyone? Bitch got owned by a pregnant lady who married an ATHLETE). And...what are we gonna do without Paris? Lindsay may very well die pretty soon.

Joe Francis, an actual sleazebag ,"famous" criminal-rapist, weeps in a cell every day. With this, I am satiated. Let us not get greedy, world.




Laugh at America instead at overheardeverywhere.com. You're boss won't thank me, you slacking interweb surfer, but you will.