How. Did this. Happen.
I enjoy electronics. Things powered by batteries and ac adapters and three pronged wires. Things that would frighten someone brought here from the distant past in some kind of machine. (Delorean, Phone Booth, what have you). Things that, it seems, stupid fucking Americans can't even BEGIN to live without.
Now, I include myself in this. If my iPod dies on the 5 train today, I might actually remove my own eyes with a chapstick tube. But the subject at hand is this:
Playstation 3.
Last week, PS3 made it's American debut, and the Running of the Douchebags commenced with such nerdy voracity, there is video of a gentleman running directly into a pole, such was his fervor. Seriously.
How could you, hiking boot wearing single man with 25 extra pounds and a Michigan State hoodie, wait on a line for days..DAYS...for a thing. In a box. That is fake.
Oh, the console itself is of course real, but..and I date myself...Sonic the Hedgehog does not love you, you're not actually KOing Mike Tyson there, and you did not just win the 150cc Gold Cup..because you are NOT The Princess.
What gets me really, are the atrocious people that will wait in line for things that will be available FOR YEARS TO COME.
I am looking directly and deeply into your eyes, Harry Potter fanatics.
Do people wait on line for days for the milk truck? The condom delivery? Heavens no. The milk will be there. The condoms are waiting for you to not use them (idiots).
Does it not occur to you, fat kids standing outside of Best Buy at 2am in order to blow Mommy's money she gave you for your graduation from DeVry, that there's something...else? A movie with a pretty girl in it? A different kind of coffee? Diet Dr Pepper that tastes just like regular?
I am already disturbed by the low levels at which humans in this world are willing to exsist:
putting nothing on your pizza, not taking the subway anywhere because it's "gross", having sex with only one person at a time for your whole life, etc. But games that appear to me to be "Wow, I'm a Drug Dealer", "Hey, I Play Basketball Professionally" and "Did I Kill That Ninja Alien Cowboy? Or Was That A Different One?" Do not seem worth anyone's time.
I am old, and out of touch with most things nerdy not involving the forest moon of Endor, but I assure you, even as I write this on company time, refreshing Myspace, Best Week Ever and Perez Hilton to no end, I will accomplish more today than you, grown man living in your mom's garage wearing Metallica tshirts to "dates" and eating nothing but Cheetos dust instead of buying new bags lest your memory card malfunctions or you have to experience a HUMAN to get more, will finish in the next 6 weeks.
Settle down, dorks.
Ugh.
posted by Rosangela @ 12:05 PM
2 Comments:
Not as witty as you promised, but it amused me quite a bit.
Always have I thought very little of the people who waste away days on a line waiting for a luxury that, as you said, will be available for years to come. It is a prime example of the greedy, impatient, and reliant creatures so many Americans have become. By reliant, I should rather say compensatory because these people compensate for what lacks in their lives with those luxuries. And usually what lacks is social competence, social extroversion, or those emotions that result from social interaction.
And thats a glimpse into the psychology for those you've dutifully named Voracious Nerds of Douchebagopolis. No need to thank me, I know I'm great.
~RMI?
You actually did not date yourself as Sonic has a new one out on XBOX360! It is for 360 tho, so... By the way! I looooove how the first comment is immediately followed by a shameless plug for a company that probably, of all things, allows the said nerds to afford living at home and barely working! HAH! the best part is the "just thought i'd". it is clearly a randomly generated comment!
Just thought I'd mention that in all honesty you would have ran into a pole if you had a chance to touch Duran Duran during their hey-dey. And really we should all be glad videogames exist for all the socially inept who would otherwise louse up our parties and kill our pets.
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