Ghoooooost Rider.

My boyfriend wants to see Ghost Rider. "But...it's Nicholas Cage" I say. Ghost Rider! He's on fire! He kind of teamed up with Spiderman once! Awesomest name = Johnny Blaze! "But..." I repeat. "It's...Nicholas. CAGE."

Does anyone else hate him? Show of hands? He's weird in his real life, like, weird enough to affect any role he's in. He totally takes me out of any picture, I cannot immerse myself into thinking he is the guy with the mandolin, or the guy who's gonna kill himself with alcohol and Elizabeth Shue, or the guy who stole the Declaration of Independance (see also: Silliest Movie Ever). Such a big Elvis fan he married Lisa Marie. So weird Patricia Arquette avoided him. HE NAMED HIS KID KAL-EL. HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO? AGGGHHHH

Sorry....went into a bit of a fugue state there...

Anyway. Ghost Rider. For those uneducated: The first Ghost Rider is stunt guy Johnny Blaze, (a name so awesome is merits bolding!) who, in order to save the life of his mentor, agreed to give his soul to "Satan". Ithink they called him Zarathos though? Something about Ninja Gangsters, seriously. But i think that was the second guy. (There's a reason Marvel keeps destroying the whole world) So now he has the powers of "eeevil". When emitting Satan's powers, Blaze's head became a flaming skull and his motorcycle a flaming motorcycle and his hands skeletal flaming hands. (Wait maybe this is meant for Nick Cage (GAY)) You know, a blessing and a curse.

Well, Ghost Rider is pretty cool. Penance Stare! He's on FIRE. And he deserves a better actor. Someone who has other inspirations besides "debonair doofus". After a bit of googling, my heart packed a suitcase and LEFT me upon finding out Johnny Depp seriously considered taking the role. His name is already Johnny!! Bah. He's too good for it anyhow. And then I found out Nick himself has a Ghost Rider tattoo on his back. What the fuck? Why must this guy get involved with everything he has ever remotely liked? Did I mention the Elvis thing? How about his ten year crusade to become Superman? Even Seinfeld settled for a bunch of cartoon commercials.

We'd been doing rather well, us comic book movie lovers...right? Superman Returns was awesome! Batman Begins finally paid proper homage to a dark and disturbed character without cartooning him up and subjecting him to George Clooney (Horrors). And Spidey's going strong! Venom! YAY! But as The Hulk ruined the Spidey high the geeks were on, so Ghost Rider kind of bugs me off my year long Superman buzz. Seriously. Bullet in the eyes. Yes. But..no! People, the motorcycle is made of pure hellfire. Sigh.

So, as The Hulk and X3 and The Punisher (how can they ruin the Punisher?? He just kills!) so Ghost Rider enters the annals of rather convoluted comic turned to Vanity Project-cum-Another Paycheck.

Sorry, Johnny.

But Venom! YAY! 5/4/07! Be there, or be...Netflixing Ghost Rider, I guess. Ha.