Ghoooooost Rider.

My boyfriend wants to see Ghost Rider. "But...it's Nicholas Cage" I say. Ghost Rider! He's on fire! He kind of teamed up with Spiderman once! Awesomest name = Johnny Blaze! "But..." I repeat. "It's...Nicholas. CAGE."

Does anyone else hate him? Show of hands? He's weird in his real life, like, weird enough to affect any role he's in. He totally takes me out of any picture, I cannot immerse myself into thinking he is the guy with the mandolin, or the guy who's gonna kill himself with alcohol and Elizabeth Shue, or the guy who stole the Declaration of Independance (see also: Silliest Movie Ever). Such a big Elvis fan he married Lisa Marie. So weird Patricia Arquette avoided him. HE NAMED HIS KID KAL-EL. HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO? AGGGHHHH

Sorry....went into a bit of a fugue state there...

Anyway. Ghost Rider. For those uneducated: The first Ghost Rider is stunt guy Johnny Blaze, (a name so awesome is merits bolding!) who, in order to save the life of his mentor, agreed to give his soul to "Satan". Ithink they called him Zarathos though? Something about Ninja Gangsters, seriously. But i think that was the second guy. (There's a reason Marvel keeps destroying the whole world) So now he has the powers of "eeevil". When emitting Satan's powers, Blaze's head became a flaming skull and his motorcycle a flaming motorcycle and his hands skeletal flaming hands. (Wait maybe this is meant for Nick Cage (GAY)) You know, a blessing and a curse.

Well, Ghost Rider is pretty cool. Penance Stare! He's on FIRE. And he deserves a better actor. Someone who has other inspirations besides "debonair doofus". After a bit of googling, my heart packed a suitcase and LEFT me upon finding out Johnny Depp seriously considered taking the role. His name is already Johnny!! Bah. He's too good for it anyhow. And then I found out Nick himself has a Ghost Rider tattoo on his back. What the fuck? Why must this guy get involved with everything he has ever remotely liked? Did I mention the Elvis thing? How about his ten year crusade to become Superman? Even Seinfeld settled for a bunch of cartoon commercials.

We'd been doing rather well, us comic book movie lovers...right? Superman Returns was awesome! Batman Begins finally paid proper homage to a dark and disturbed character without cartooning him up and subjecting him to George Clooney (Horrors). And Spidey's going strong! Venom! YAY! But as The Hulk ruined the Spidey high the geeks were on, so Ghost Rider kind of bugs me off my year long Superman buzz. Seriously. Bullet in the eyes. Yes. But..no! People, the motorcycle is made of pure hellfire. Sigh.

So, as The Hulk and X3 and The Punisher (how can they ruin the Punisher?? He just kills!) so Ghost Rider enters the annals of rather convoluted comic turned to Vanity Project-cum-Another Paycheck.

Sorry, Johnny.

But Venom! YAY! 5/4/07! Be there, or be...Netflixing Ghost Rider, I guess. Ha.

The "I think I hate LOST" mini-blog.


This excludes Sawyer, of course. Sawyer is my boyfriend. Sawyer feeds me grapes he has peeled. Sawyer calls me "sassafrass" in bed.

Anyway.

Michelle Rodriguez. She's really short, really annoying, sneers alot, and her hair completely sucks. She has singlehandedly ruined season two for me. Yes, I realize I am behind. I shunned season one in favor of Smallville, so help me God. But in trying to catch up via DVD, i have stopped short about halfway through season two.. And Lord have mercy, if I have to put with her for another second I will PUNCH. Who flies in cargo pants and a vest, first of all? A Louis Vuitton carry on I am not expecting, but you're traveling from one tropical clime to another, and you're in...layers? Secondly, in real life, chiquita continually gets arrested for drunk driving, which is the dumbest thing one can be arrested for. It's like dying of fatness. PREVENTABLE, you whore. Furthermore...drunk driving on the island of Oahu. And now it's time for breakdown: Drunk Driving. On an. ISLAND. Damn, Gina, WHERE was she going to GO?

I'm told I should persevere. That it gets better. But the commercials for the new eps show total Kate on Sawyer jail bar humping, and I am soooooo not wading through a midget latina's ratty hair to get to that.

Though watch your hobbit loving ass, Kate (if that is your real name!). Cuz Sawyer *hearts* Rosa 4 eva!

I'm empty.


Head on over to idontlikeyouinthatway.com, bestweekever, or ParisExposed.com. For Paris. Because this bitch wants us to see her little asian boy chest and wonky eyelid. I'm serious. If she insists on living, I want to be able to pass her in the street and KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that her tits are horrible and her vagina is flappy. I want to look her in the [cross] eyes and know the most terrible secrets of her life. Watch as she snorts nearly a kilo of coke off the fatty chest of some scion of some worthless empire. And as she lets skeezy Joe Francis, Girls Gone Wild Billionaire, grope her on a yacht. (Bonus: watch the reflection in her sunglasses; NO ONE IS EVEN LOOKING.)
For those of you gossip impaired: Paris Hilton rented a storage facility. Paris Hilton forgot to pay the $208 dollar rent. Paris Hilton's stuff got confiscated. Paris Hilton's stuff is all over the world now.

Read on, in fact, at the above sites. Take note of the Valtrex prescriptions.

I am bereft.

Some of you may be aware that I have a deep seated fear of our imminent nuclear destruction by some crazy Kim or Laden or some such.

At this point, I say bring it. Just let them fall. Because there is no way in heaven, hell or Valhalla that there is any saving us now.

I resign myself onto inevitable death. Thanks Paris...at least you didn't kill me with your stage 3 Syphilus.