V Day.


Happy Valentine's everyone. Happy "waaaaaah, fake holiday" to those of you bitter and single.

In honor of this, our "fake greeting card holiday! waaaah!", the NY daily news compiled a list of what they call "The greatest love songs of all time".

Here is a partial list, just the top 25:

1. "My Girl" The Temptations (Makes everyone our age think of Macualy Culkin getting eaten by bees)
2. "I'll Be There" The Jackson 5 (Michael. Need I say more?)
3. "Wonderful Tonight" Eric Clapton (PLAYED OUT PLAYED OUT PLAYED OUT PLAYED OUT)
4. "I Just Called to Say I Love You" Stevie Wonder (Ok, Stevie rocks)
5. "You Are So Beautiful" Joe Cocker (Sounds like it's sung by a retard. But I do love me some Joe when he's bluesin' out.)
6. "In My Life" The Beatles (Where is the love in this song??)
7. "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" Roberta Flack (I have no idea what song this is)
8. "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" Elvis Presley (Fucking SAD. It's about a BREAKUP. How old are these people?!)
9. "Michelle" The Beatles (About a stripper. Love. Capital L)
10. "I Can't Stop Loving You" Ray Charles (Awesome, I agree with this one)
11. "Best of My Love" The Emotions (Ok, maybe.)
12. "Bridge Over Troubled Water" Simon & Garfunkel (What? Gay much?)
13. "All I Have to Do Is Dream" The Everly Brothers (The only words to this anyone knows are "Dream dream dream dream dreeeeeaaaaamm")
14. "You've Got a Friend" Carole King ("...that's sleeping because this song is booooring")
15. "Killing Me Softly With His Song" Roberta Flack (Lauryn Hill we need you. How is this a love song? Obsession is NOT love! And he was MEAN.)
16. "To Sir With Love" Lulu (Also no idea what song this is)
17. "Sherry" The Four Seasons (see: Falsettos do not make anyone sexy)
18. "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" Queen (Ok. This is the only legitimate contender. It's about love, how nutty it is, and FREDDY!)
19. "Unchained Melody" The Righteous Brothers ("Ghost". Awww yeah)
20. "Save the Last Dance for Me" The Drifters (At least the Michael Buble version? The girl in the song is a whore anyway.)
21. "Stay" Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs (Dirty Dancing! Why are these getting better the LOWER we get??)
22. "Will You Love Me Tomorrow?" Carole King (No.)
23. "Up on the Roof" The Drifters (WHAT? Slowly I am becoming the bitter V day hater the rest of you high schoolers are)
24. "He's So Fine" The Chiffons (He's also a bad disco song)
25. "I Will Follow Him" Little Peggy March (Obsession is not love)

Notice anything? Yeah. Nothing from this millenium. What's the DEAL people? "Rico Suave" makes me feel more love than any one of these! Might I point out that "In My Life" isn't even a LOVE song! It's about John Lennon's CHILDHOOD! Sick. "Will you still love me tomorrow"?"Killing Me Softly"? More bitter singles on the NY times staff than I thought...

There are about 175 million songs I can think of, off the stop of my little head, that are better, more meaningful, and more google eyed lovey than any one of these fossils. Don't get me wrong, music enthusiasts, I am a fan of the oldie but goody, but I mean, come ON. Little Peggy March? Forgive my legs for remaining closed.

Enough of my ramblings. I present to you an exhaustively researched (I turned on my iPod) and newly updated list of songs some of us might actually want to hear during our love getting this night (or, you know, photo burning bitter-fests). And for goodness sake, I present it to you in the order God and David Letterman intended, starting from the BOTTOM. Boys, get your iTunes trigger fingers ready to make this tonight's playlist, and in this order. I was a DJ once, and I would never steer you wrong. Light the candles and ready the duvet.

25) Ain't That a Kick in the Head - Dean Martin (Come on, kick it old school with your bad self. It's impressive to vaginas)
24) Baby's Got Sauce - G Love and Special Sauce (YOU KNOW IT)
23) Beating Hearts Baby - Head Automatica
22) Ordinary World - Duran Duran
21) 500 Miles - The Proclaimers
20) Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung (Be wary not to download the SONG Aqualung...that's different.)
19) Everything - Alanis Morisette
18) Melissa - The Allman Brothers Band ...altough...this may only work if you girlfriend is named as such
17) If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keyes
16) Can't Take My Eyes Off of You - Lauryn Hill
15) If You Leave - Nada Surf, OMD cover. This one's sweeter.
14) Don't Go Away - Oasis
13) Time After Time - Eva Fischer, Cyndi Lauper cover. But let's face it, Cyndi's voice does not evoke amorous feelings.
12) Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers
11) Underneath it All - No Doubt
10) In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
9) I Melt With You - Modern English (Check out the Nouvelle Vague version, too)
8) Crazy Love - many artiists have covered, but I prefer the Brian McNight. He puts some extra soul into it. Yeaaahh.
7) Lay Lady Lay - Bob Dylan (Boys. Watch her clothes FLY off. Or..maybe that's just me)
6) Linger- The Cranberries
5) Swallowed In The Sea - Coldplay
4) Friday I'm In Love/
3) Pictures of You - The Cure (Leave it to the goths to get it so very right, and twice.)
2) Let My Love Open The Door, acoustic version - Pete Towshend
and 1) with a fucking bullet: Fade Into You - Mazzy Star. The best. Ever.

So listen up bitter punks and lovey doves alike. I IMPLORE you to comment, because, as in any list, I've left someone's favorite out. I want to know the songs to make you well up and cry in your bedroom.

Happy "HALLMARK MADE IT UP!! WAAAAHHH!!"

Hearts,
R