It's The Best Week Ever Again!!

Unlike the rest of the 18-35 year olds in this country, I have shunned American Idol. Shunned. Even talk of it in the office. Even mention of it on the news. I vowed to cut it out of my life and send it floating away,like an elderly Eskimo on an ice floe. If my TIVOs Best Week Ever mentions it, I fast forward past. Because I simply cannot fucking take it anymore. A gigantic joke on the lower 48 states (And sometimes Hawaii!) for 5 years running, the popularity contest to end all others gets under my skin with the “So BAD! TeeHee!” clip reels during the first few episodes, and burrows deep into my black soul until only one, ahem, “talent” remains.

Ya’ll know the truth, right? That A.I. famously holds back true talent from the final judgement process at tryouts in favor of the ball sucking-bad “personalities”?

I have a serious question…why is it that Fox thinks we don’t want to see a string of great singers and one or two bad ones, and instead the other way around? Confidential to Fox: I WISH JACK BAUER WOULD TORTURE YOU. He’s so good at it.

Ah. But now, our Messiah has arrived. And against all my own promises… I’m riveted.
Fox, you think we want to see bad singers? Well, SUCK IT. SUCK ON SANJAYA.
In the wake of the last 4 idols whom no one remembers (unless they turn gay, of course, CLAY. P.S.- Kelly, you’re getting kind of fat again.) we finally have our tool for destruction. If we get him at least to the top 5, we’ll know we have won. Every show has to jump the shark sometime, and Shakiraya is our Raven Simone. Bringer of the end. I understand I’m mixing a lot of metaphors here, but stay with me.

You realize, my pretties, that if we keep Sanjayayayayaya in for as long as we can, American Idol will be forced to change! At the very least, endure a year long retooling promising an actual talent competition for 2008, instead of the Sad Parade of Retards and The Criminally Disillusioned.

I know I’m jumping rather late on a bandwagon populated by the likes of Perez Hilton and Howard Stern (bitches both) but I really believe in this cause. And Dancing With Celebrities is really boring.

I think, America and all 10 of you reading this, that I have to end it on this:

VOTE SANJAYA! Tuesday nights on FOX! Ryan Seacrest is gay!

Oh wait..You knew that already.

Rock The Vote!